Married And Bored - Does It Have To Be That Way?

All married couples experience problems now and then; it is simply the fact of life. But how we handle those problems makes a real difference between a good and a bad marriage.

It is very important that you both work at it and focus on a solution you can both live with. It takes a lot of effort and good will, but there is simply no other way to save your marriage. What did we forget? Oh yes, let me repeat: compromise, compromise, compromise.

There could even arrive some serious challenges some couples will be facing during certain life periods. Here are some typical examples: the need to care for an aging parent, different styles of disciplining children, depression and depressive behavior, job loss and problems with money.

Boredom

But the problem I would like to discuss today is not necessarily related to such a specific cause – it’s more likely a problem that comes from the way you treat your partner and yourself. Yes, today I would like to talk about boredom in marriage.

Sometimes even most prospective marriages will break down purely through boredom. Although most people enter into marriage with the best of intentions, it doesn’t always work out as planned. Many marriages degrade in quality over time.

According to a recently released survey about marriage, more married people grow tired of one another more quickly than ever. Instead of the so-called "seven-year itch", studies show that couples are now at greatest risk for breaking up just before their fifth anniversary.

Your Marriage Can Grow

Boring marriages are often those whereby one partner is totally disinterested in the other. People tend to forget that it is difficult to keep a marriage relationship alive and well. It takes work and mental flexibility.

Remember, your marriage is either growing and expanding or shrinking and fading. And you should be realistic about your marriage: if you get married there will for sure be routine and sometimes you will get bored.

But again I will stress: it's how you deal with boredom that will make a difference between a good marriage and a total fiasco.

Do Something New And Exciting

When you feel routine bogs things down, take some proactive steps and change the pace from time to time.

A long weekend in a romantic hideaway would be ideal, but even a few hours in a motel helps. Don't tell anyone where you are, turn off your cell phones, and unplug the TV. Take that time for just for two of you. Enjoy.

Do something nice once in a while. Go get a spa treatment sometimes. If you can't afford that, just take a bubble bath at home together!

Date your spouse. Go to movies or theater together, or go eat out together. If you feel like staying at home, get a movie in your local video store, turn off lights and watch the movie cuddled up. A good bottle of wine will help you to create a romantic mood. These simple things will remind you of the times you were younger and just started building your relationship, and will help keep the marriage fresh.

Have Fun – Together!

If you have kids, reserve some time for just two of you. Hire a student for babysitting or make a deal with other couples so you can take turns to baby-sit the kids while the other couple can go out.

Spend more quality time together. That involves a lot of talking and especially listening, a lot of laughing and sometimes even crying. Share all those special and not-so-special moments. Try to become one, physically and emotionally.

Set aside time for yourself. Listen to music you like, or read a good book. Get together with your friends without your spouse or kids once in a while.

Be happy, don’t complain all the time, and learn how to feel good about yourself. If you are happy you will notice everyone around you will feel happy as well.

And once you have kids, don’t forget you are still a human being, made of flesh and blood. Don’t suppress your sexual desire, don’t ignore your needs. Don’t let the passion die. You are married, you have worries – but nevertheless you are still alive. Stay in shape - getting married doesn't mean you should just let your looks go. Keep the fire in your relationship burning!

The Easy Way Out

Actually most of the complaints people have about their marriages or relationships going stale can be fixed if both people cooperate to address the issue.

Unfortunately people often take an easy way out: instead of trying to re-ignite the spark in their relationships, they would rather find someone else to give them thrill and joy they lack in their own marriage. Wouldn’t it be more reasonable and productive to give your partner a chance to fix the problem before resorting to adultery?

After all, it won’t be long before that new partner will become the same bore. And what would you do then? Will you just keep going from one partner to another hoping one day you will find someone "interesting enough"?

Until you change yourself, until you realize it is not someone from the outside that will make you feel better, you can spend the rest of your life and never find the partner you are looking for. There is no "external” cure for your problems: it is YOU who must make an effort and make your relationship work!

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Warning Signs Of A Troubled Marriage

Well, marriage for sure can be a tricky business! One moment you think everything is just fine, the sun is shining and the sky is blue. But it takes only one moment and the magic is gone. The love of your life, your faithful and deeply-in-love spouse is standing in front of you. He/she wants a divorce. Oh my God, what's going on?


OK, this example may be a bit exaggerated, but you know what I mean -- you shouldn’t take your marriage for granted. You can’t expect just to take from your partner (take love, attention, energy) and to give nothing in return. All you need is love – that’s just a song, you know? In the real world, building a happy marriage takes a little bit more than that.

Marriage fitness

Maintaining personal health requires a lot of work — you should exercise, pay attention to your diet and rest from time to time. But rest assured, the same kind of care is necessary in order to keep a marriage healthy. As divorce statistics indicate, an untended marriage falls apart very easily. In order to make your love survive and perhaps even thrive, you should work hard. Yes, there are emotional push-ups, sit-ups and all other ways of exercise.

Do you still enjoy your marriage?

There are warning signs that will show you if your marriage has come into crisis. Let’s see some of them. Check if they can be applied to your relationship:

- Do you argue often? Do you explode and start fighting even on the slightest trace of any disagreement?
- Is the atmosphere between you and your partner more and more negative? Do you enjoy talking, laughing, in short, being together? Or maybe you feel the heavy silence and can hardly wait to go your own way?
- What are your conversations like? Do you remember to say gentle words, like the good old "I love you", or are conversations between you filled with bitterness and sarcasm?
- Do you often come up with some imaginative excuse just to avoid being in the same room with your spouse? Basically, are you running away from home?
- Do you desire to spend free time with someone other than your partner?
- When you have problems, can you resolve it or do you just waste time and words trying to find "who’s to blame"?
- Are you two, as a couple, having a good time? Or do you most of the time just feel bored?

Well, if you found at least two of those signs can be applied on to your relationship, than it could be a sign something is going wrong... Because those are some symptoms you should pay attention to!

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